


The Great Pretender

by WyckedWrytes



Series: The Great Pretender [1]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crossdressing, Freddie being a good friend, Insecure Brian, Lingerie, M/M, Misunderstandings, Shame, Swearing, mentions of sex but nothing really graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-22 20:10:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19991203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WyckedWrytes/pseuds/WyckedWrytes
Summary: Brian has a secret, one that he doesn't want anyone to know about, ever. A terrible misunderstanding forces him to come clean and helps him discover that maybe he doesn't need to pretend anymore, at least not to everyone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jessahmewren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessahmewren/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Pretty](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19805458) by [jessahmewren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessahmewren/pseuds/jessahmewren). 



> Ok so I've had this idea in my head for months but, being me, I've been way too lazy and unmotivated to actually do anything about the idea. That is before I prompted the amazing, talented jessahmewren on Tumblr to write a little something about Brian crossdressing and oh my, but they delivered! Their lovely fill for my prompt actually finally motivated me enough to try and write a crossdresser!Brian fic of my own, and this here is the result. 
> 
> Also, this fic actually got a life of its own entirely by accident. It was supposed to be quite short and mostly sweet but got more angst and drama than I ever intended, enough for this to become long enough to split into two parts. The actual crossdressing was also originally supposed to play a a bigger part in this fic than it does now, but I am still quite happy about this. Hopefully someone else will enjoy this very self-indulgent project of mine as well. 
> 
> No beta and English isn't my first language, so all mistakes are my own!

Brian let out a deep breath, looking at himself in the large mirror on the bedroom wall, taking in his reflection. His tall skinny frame, jutting hip bones, stick like long legs, his bony chest. He was naked as the day he was born, but would not be for long.

He turned towards his bed where he had his... things waiting for him. A matching bra and lace and satin panties in light blue colour as well as his most recent purchase, simple cream coloured stockings to complete the set. Brian blushed when he thought back on how he'd mumbled embarrassedly how he was searching for a little something to get for a girlfriend when the young lady working at the lingerie store had approached him after probably following him for a while and realizing he was quite lost. There'd simply been so many choices, just like there had been when he had bought the bra and the panties long ago from a different store, and he'd had no idea where to even start. He knew he wanted stockings, but that was it.

With the kind lady's help, however, he had eventually picked this simple yet beautiful pair and let her wrap it all up in a parcel which he had, of course, ripped apart as soon as he got home with it. There was no girlfriend after all and the only one wearing those stockings would be Brian himself.

He dressed slowly, letting himself to enjoy the process. First the bra which he'd become quite an expert on how to put on, then the panties. Now the panties were always a bit more trickier since there really was not that much room for his bits there, but just like with getting on the bra, he had gotten pretty good at adjusting himself inside the tiny, thin piece of fabric. He did so now, glanced at the mirror again, then moved on to the stockings. Carefully, afraid that he might accidentally rip the delicate fabric, he pulled the stockings on, first one, then the other, and gave himself a proper look in the mirror.

Oh.

He looked... Well, he still looked like himself, of course. But the stockings, which he had not tried on before, really added something to the look that just the panties and bra could not and he had not anticipated it at all, not really. His legs, skinny though they were, suddenly didn't look half as bad clad in the beautiful cream coloured fabric, in fact they looked quite amazing, Brian thought. The stockings reached almost mid thigh and made the remaining uncovered skin of his thighs look somehow softer and nicer, and when Brian put his weight more on his other leg, making his hips tilt just so, there was almost a feminine curve. He smiled, turning around, looking at himself from every possible angle, and for a while he felt pretty good about himself.

But as usual that could only last so long. Brian had always been critical about his looks, whether it was his unruly curls or his nose that was too big for his face or his way too skinny frame or his long stick legs. The more he kept looking at his reflection the more faults he started seeing and less good things. What did he think he was doing anyway, dressing himself in women's underwear like some kind of... freak?

He wasn't even pretty doing it, not really, which might have at least made it more acceptable somehow. No matter how hard he tried, he still looked clearly male, he had the wrong shape, he was all wrong. Now, Brian did not want to be a woman, that was never what this thing about him liking to dress up this way was about. He didn't want to be a woman, he simply wanted to feel pretty. That's why he did this, because usually he did end up feeling that way, at least for a while, before he started overthinking the whole thing and ruined it.

God, sometimes he wished he was built more like Roger, beautiful Roger with his soft round face and baby blue eyes and his lithe, proportionate body that wasn't too skinny but just right. Maybe if he was naturally pretty like Roger he wouldn't have this unnatural desire to buy lingerie and dress himself as a woman and try and make himself feel beautiful that way like a freak. Brian let out a bitter laugh. Or maybe not. For as long as he could remember, he had had this need, this desire inside of him, to dress up and pretent to be something that he was not, that he could never be.

Brian glanced at the clock on the wall, trying to calculate how much he might have time to dedicate to this. While he and Roger did have their separate homes, for appearances sake more than anything since the two of them had been an item for a couple years now, they did spend most of their free time with each other and for the past week or so they'd been staying together at Brian's house. Today, however, Roger was spending the day with his children. Roger adored his children like any proper father should, so on these kinds of days it was safe to assume it would be quite late before Roger would return home.

Brian decided he probably still had a few hours or so on his own before Roger would be back, so he was in no hurry. The feel of the satin and lace bra and panties on his skin was very nice, and the stockings were new and he very much wanted to test them out properly. His reflection in the mirror be damned, he may not _look_ beautiful like Roger did, but he sure as hell felt like it. Brian left the bedroom, wandered down the corridor, and with each step he took his feet felt lighter and he could feel himself really relaxing, really enjoying himself like this, and in the end he was smiling when he reached the livingroom downstairs. He picked up his book that he was in the process of reading and laid down on the sofa, getting nice and comfortable. He wiggled his stockinged toes and let out a small chuckle at the sight.

Right. He would relax, read a bit, then go and make himself a cup of tea to enjoy and then change back to his regular clothes before Roger would get back. Roger, or anyone else for that matter, did not know about his little secret and as far as Brian was concerned, he never would. This thing may have been a part of him but he knew it was far from normal, he knew it was wrong, and he was quite prepared to take this secret of his to his grave without no one ever being any wiser. He had been hiding his abnormality for this long, he could keep on pretending.

○-○-○

Brian felt himself waking up from his slumber by distant noises. He blinked, rubbed at his eyes, looked around... For a moment he felt really confused about his current whereabouts. Then the reality of the situation hit him and he immediately felt pure terror filling his insides. He had fallen asleep on the living room sofa, slept for who knows how long, and the noises he had just heard were of course Roger's car pulling up into his driveway. Shit. Shit!

He jumped up from the sofa so fast he almost crashed against the coffee table, his book flying somewhere on the floor in his hurry, and with panic making him feel like he could barely breathe he leaped into the hallway and from the hallway up up up the stairs just when he heard the front door opening and Roger stepping inside. The closest door was the bathroom door and Brian closed himself in there, locking the door behind him, his heart in his throat, his eyes catching his own terrified reflection in the mirror above the sink.

Shit, shit, shit!!!

With shaking hands Brian turned on the shower and then started to undress himself, as quickly as he could, and still shaking like a leaf he pushed the bra, the panties and the stockings inside the nearly full laundry basket, hiding them beneath a pile of his and Roger's regular dirty clothes. They'd stay hidden there for now, he would put them into their proper hiding place later when he could, when he had the time. Roger would be none the wiser, Roger wouldn't know he was involved with a weird freak, his secret would be safe. Sighing with relief Brian stepped into the shower, that's it, he was just showering this whole time and nothing else, just when there was a knock on the bathroom door and Roger's familiar voice called him.

”Bri? I'm home. How about some takeaway after you've showered? I got some on my way here, thought it'd be nice.”

”Sounds lovely”, Brian answered, forcing his voice to sound as normal as possible, not like he had just sprinted upstairs in a hurry in just a few seconds time. He hoped he didn't sound too breathy. Oh well. Even if he did, he might as well claim he had been having a wank in the shower and it was because of that. Roger would buy that, he knew. ”I'll be with you in a second.”

”Great. Do you want me to pour us some wine too?”

”Sure."

”Alright. I'll have everything ready for us, love.”

Brian stayed in the shower for a while still, letting the warm water soothe his shivering form, to wash the rest of his panic away, and leaned his forehead against the cold tiles on the wall. It had been too close. He would have to be more careful from now on. Way more careful.

○-○-○

The next day Brian woke up to the rays of sun tickling his bare skin and to the sound of Roger's soft breathing beside him on the bed. He felt good and rested and there was a pleasant ache in certain parts of his body which told him exactly what he and Roger had been up to the night before starting to sleep. Brian stretched slowly, turning to his side and smiled gently at the blond man sleeping peacefully beside him. Roger's face was squished against the pillow and he was drooling a little bit, but he was still the most beautiful thing that Brian had ever seen. He was so, so lucky he could call Roger his own, that his best friend was also his lover.

And to think that yesterday, because of his own carelesness, he might have ruined it all, ruined everything. Because he almost got caught. Roger may have loved him as much as he did love the blond man himself, but that didn't mean Roger would be alright with finding out what a freak Brian really was. A pervert who liked dressing up in women's clothes for fun. No one in their right mind would tolerate that. Brian knew he had been so lucky to wake up from his accidental nap yesterday just in time.

He then remembered the lingerie still in its temporary hiding place in the laundry basket of his bathroom and the thought of the undergarments lying there, not in their proper hiding place at the very back of his walk-in closet, inside a shoebox, at the very bottom of the pile of shoeboxes actually used to store shoes as they should, made him feel uneasy. His secret was not properly hidden away at the moment. Taking one last look at the still sleeping Roger who was not showing any signs of waking up for at least a while yet, Brian carefully got up and made his way to the bathroom.

After freshening up a bit after last night's activities, Brian returned to the bedroom, the lingerie safely tucked away in the large pockets of his bathrobe that he was wearing, and Roger was lying on the bed now clearly awake but in wait for him, smiling lazily up at him when Brian leaned down to give him a kiss. Then it was the blond's turn to head to the bathroom, muttering to himself how they really should stop being so lazy and not showering right after having sex instead of hours later, since he felt so sticky and gross. Brian laughed fondly. Roger always said the same, yet they never changed their habits.

Once Roger was gone, Brian swiftly made his way to his walk-in closet, pulled out the shoebox and started putting away his lingerie before Roger got back. Roger usually didn't take very long showers, unless the two of them were showering together, of course, so he didn't want to waste any time hiding away his little secret. He reached for his bathrobe pockets, pulling out the bra, then a stocking, then another one, then the panties... Wait.

Brian felt as if the bottom of his stomach had just fallen out. A horrible panicky feeling took over his whole body. He had missed the panties. _How_ had he missed the panties? They still had to be in the laundry basket somewhere, but were they safely covered with other clothing at this point anymore? Shit, how could he have missed them, how had he been that careless, he was sure he had been even holding them in his hand, he must've dropped them, and if Roger opened the laundry basket, as he surely would do to throw his dirty underpants there, he could find them. He could find them and then -

”What the fuck?!” Roger's furious screech got to Brian's ears all the way from the bathroom almost as loud as if the other man had screamed right next to him, and Brian was on his feet in less than a second, full of panic now. His feet automatically dragged him out of the closet, into the bedroom, out into the hallway towards the bathroom, towards Roger, even though he really did not want to go, he did not want to face Roger, because when Roger sounded like that nothing good would come out of facing him.

He was right. He ran into Roger barely two steps into the hallway and the younger man was simply furious, his face was wild and in his hand he was clutching the panties, knuckles white from the force of his grip as he raised them up for Brian to see.

”Roger-” Brian started, though he had no idea what he was about the say, but he didn't get any farther than that.

”You absolute bastard!” the blond screamed. ”You bring some... some tart here to screw the moment I am away to meet with my fucking kids, really? How dare you?!” Roger's words were like a slap to his face, not at all what Brian had been expecting – though he hadn't had the time to really think what to expect in the first place – and he flinched, horrified.

”It's not – Roger, that isn't – I would never cheat on you, Rog, I swear!”

Brian had been so worried about getting caught wearing women's clothes that it had never even occurred to him to consider how else Roger possibly could interpret finding women's underwear in his home when the two of them had been exclusively together for more than two years, and now, faced with the accusation of having cheated, he was in a complete and utter shock. Roger's face was twisted in disgust, his voice was shaking, but worst of all was the look of utter betrayal in his baby blue eyes.

”You _promised,_ Brian”, the blond almost spat the words. ”You promised when this all started that you would _never_ cheat on me. _We_ promised _each other._ I've kept my promise, Brian, but have you?”

”I have”, Brian said weakly but sincerely, desperately wanting to make Roger believe him, but also knowing that it didn't really sound very convincing, not with Roger's hand in a fist around the panties. ”I swear to you, Roger, I have.”

The offending garment was thrown on his face and Roger let out a hysterical sounding fake laugh. ”Oh yeah? These fucking lace panties say otherwise! I can't believe you, I really can't. All that moaning my name last night when I fucked you, _'harder Roger, oh Roger, Roger, I love you'_ , when just hours before you'd been fucking some bird here! That's rich from you, that's really great _._ You're a fucking great actor, you know that? Had me fooled, really had me thinking this thing between us is something special and different but guess not. Fuck you, I'm out of here!”

Roger stepped around him and Brian desperately tried to reach out and touch him as he passed him by but Roger gave him a withering look and hissed: ”Don't you fucking touch me!”, so he instantly lowered his arm and didn't. Instead he just stood there, in the doorway of his bedroom while Roger angrily threw his yesterday's clothes on, and Brian knew he should do something, he knew he should prevent Roger from leaving, he knew he should just tell Roger the truth, instead of letting him think he had done something as awful as cheating. Just confess, he thought. Confess that you're a crossdressing weirdo, do it now! But the seconds just passed and he could not get a word out of his mouth, his shame preventing him from talking.

He simply couldn't get the words out of his mouth, to make himself admit that the panties did in fact belong to him and not to any woman. He wanted to, he wanted to stop Roger from _hurting,_ but he couldn't, and then it was already too late, Roger was already rushing away, down the hallway, down the stairs, and then from the front door Brian could hear him calling: ”Don't bother trying to call me, I won't be home and even if I were I wouldn't be taking any calls from you, you _cheater!_ ”

The door slammed shut and just a moment later there was the sound of engine starting and Roger speeding away, and Brian felt like the worst person on Earth.

○-○-○


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is now, chapter 2 and also the conclusion of this little fic that grew into something not so little, after all! 
> 
> I'm not actually 100% happy with this but I already deleted and rewrote several parts that I felt weren't good enough and edited and edited until I thought I was going crazy. So... this is it, the final result. I like it more than the first draft, so that's something I guess? Hopefully I won't disappoint anyone terribly!

Despite of what Roger had told Brian before leaving, he did try to call Roger's home number anyway. He gave it a few hours before making the first call, just to let Roger calm down a little, but he did call anyway. He called. And he called. And he called again.

No answer.

By the time when evening came around and he'd not heard a peep from Roger, Brian was starting to be in a proper state of panic and overwhelming worry and couldn't simply wait around in his house anymore. He decided to go check Roger's place, he was quite prepared to beg at Roger's feet for him to listen to what he had to say if it came to that, he was prepared to do pretty much anything because he couldn't deal with feeling like this and knowing Roger must have been feeling at least ten times worse.

He had to fix this and soon. He had done this, he was to blame for this, this had only happened because he had kept a secret from the man that he loved, and even though this was a secret which he never ever wanted anyone to know, something shameful, something so wrong, Roger deserved the truth. Roger needed to know Brian would never cheat on him, that he could never do that and that he had never broken his promise, and even if the truth coming out meant that Roger would probably never look at him in the same way again, without disgust, he needed to let Roger know. There was no other way.

But when Brian got to Roger's place it was soon very clear that Roger really was not at home, just like he had told him in the morning when he left in fury. It was getting dark already but all the lights in the house were out and there was also no sign of Roger's car anywhere, so Brian was left with no choice but to return home empty handed, and his worry and anxiety just kept on growing all the time. Where had Roger gone? Had something happened to him? Something bad? He'd been so upset, so angry, when he left. What if he had crashed his car on accident, what if he was now in a hospital, or worse, dead? What if the last thing Roger thought was how Brian had betrayed his trust and now he would never know the truth?

Of course in the rational part of his mind Brian knew that he was clearly exaggerating, he knew that most likely Roger was fine, physically that is, wherever he was at the moment, but even so he couldn't entirely stop himself from creating horrible scenarios in his head. He wandered around his house unable to properly concentrate on doing anything until it was pitch black outside, and when he glanced at the clock he saw it was already past 10 pm. Brian was on the verge of tears when the phone suddenly rang. He picked it up on the second ring.

”You better not have been cheating on Rog, darling, or else I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut your balls off.”

Freddie.

Brian felt like crying, both out of shame and sheer relief. If Freddie was calling him, asking him about cheating, then that meant Roger had been talking to him and was okay. He choked into the phone: ”Never, Fred, I swear I didn't. Oh god. Is Roger there? Is he with you? _Is he okay?_ ”

”He's sleeping in one of the guest rooms at the moment”, Freddie answered softly. ”I just checked on him and he's out like a light. He was in a right state when he got here, however, nearly hysterical.” Freddie was silent for a while but to Brian it felt like ages. He held his breath, not sure he wanted to hear what his friend would say next, and he was right. It was painful to hear Freddie's next words, hear the slight accusation in his tone.

”Roger told me what he found from your bathroom, Brian, and I've got to say, it didn't really sound good at all.”

”I know...” Brian said quietly, feeling awful. He'd had the whole day to think about that, to think about how Roger must've felt at that moment in his bathroom when he made his discovery, and he wished more than anything that he could go back in time and prevent it all from happening.

He had thought about how he would've felt himself if their roles had been reversed and that had made his guilt and shame even worse, knowing just how much Roger must've been hurting, how much he must hurt now. But there was no turning back the time, and all he could try to do now was to make things better again.

”I know it didn't, but I promise, it's really not what it looks like. It's not. I know I can't offer you anything else than my word, but I swear that it is the truth. I swear that there is no one else for me than Roger, Freddie.”

Another moment of silence followed, this one even more agonizing for Brian than the last. He could imagine Freddie considering his words, considering what Roger had told him, how these two things didn't really add up.

Would Freddie believe him? Brian knew he had no real reason to, considering everything, considering what had ended his marriage before him and Rog got together, and honestly, if Freddie didn't believe him, he had no one but himself to blame. But that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt like hell, to know one of his closest friends saw him as cheater and a liar. And if Freddie wouldn't believe him, what chances would he have to make Roger believe him, to make Roger listen to him, what he had to say and to fix things between them again?

”Brian. I need you to be completely, one hundred percent honest with me, alright? You _are_ telling me the truth, right? You're not... trying to sugar coat anything or... oh, I don't know. You're really not lying?” Freddie's voice was hesitant, it sounded like Freddie was truly worried about what his answer might be, that Freddie wanted to believe him but couldn't be entirely sure, not just yet. Not before hearing him either confirm or deny it.

It was simply too much for Brian. He couldn't help himself, his guilt and shame and then his panic over Roger's whereabouts and whether or not he was even alive and now Freddie's doubt added to all that made him simply break down.

”No!” he choked out a broken sob. ”God no, I'm not lying, Fred, I...”

He sniffled pathetically, trying to wipe the tears away with his hand that was not holding the phone, struggling to control his breathing and not snivel like a baby. He was disgusting, he had no right to cry, Roger was the one who had gotten hurt! ”I haven't cheated”, he managed to gasp, sniffling some more, trying to compose himself the best he could. ”We made a promise when... when it got serious between us and it's a promise I'm going to keep. I wouldn't do that to him... Not ever.”

”Good. That's all I really wanted to hear, honestly”, Freddie's voice when he spoke to him again was now surprisingly gentle, almost reassuring, and that made Brian sigh out in relief, and a few tears escaped his eyes again but this time not out of grief. Freddie believed him. That was at least something, that was a start. Maybe there was hope of fixing things, after all.

”Listen, darling”, Freddie told him, and Brian nodded his head frantically, even though the other man obviously couldn't see him do it. ”I am sorry if I was a bit harsh, if I made it seem like I really doubted you. Despite that I did do my best earlier to try and convince poor Roger that there probably was an entirely good explanation for those knickers in your bathroom, no matter how terrible that does sound, might I add. And I would've made the same kind of phone call to Roger too, had it been you who had showed up on my doorstep with news about possible cheating, I hope you know. I am not playing favourites, you are both very dear to me.”

”I know”, Brian said quietly. ”I know we are. I know you're a good friend. The best.” It was the truth.

”Oh, now you're just flattering me, darling” Freddie chuckled, but then spoke in a serious tone again. ”However, I was not done talking. I know you have your past, Brian. I know you were not the most faithful partner to Chrissie. I also know Roger wasn't the epitome of faithfulness himself in his past. But I do also know that you love each other and I do believe you've both matured quite a bit and that cheating is not what's happened here, alright. What you and Roger need to do next is to have a good, long talk about this, and whatever the real explanation is... well. You need to come clean, my dear.”

”I will, Freddie. I promise.”

”Ok. That's good then. Now, Roger obviously doesn't know I've called you since he is asleep, but I will let him know tomorrow. I'll talk some sense to him, make him come and see you so you two can sort this out, like actual adults that you are. I can't have two of my best friends suffering so.”

Brian smiled at that, his fondness for Freddie immeasurable. Freddie had always been the peacemaker between them, even way before he and Roger were nothing else than best friends, and he kept being exactly that, without taking sides, only wanting what was best for them. Thank heavens for Freddie Mercury. Everyone needed a friend like him, Brian thought.

”Alright. I really appreciate it, I do”, he said on the phone. ”And... thank you for being there for Roger. I'm feeling better when I know he's there with you. When I know he's... safe, and not alone after... after what happened.”

”Of course. Now, I think I will need to hang up but... Brian, I know you and I know how you worry but... please, try to get at least some sleep tonight, okay?” Freddie's voice had now taken almost a motherly tone. ”I'm sure you will need it.”

”I will. Try, I mean”, Brian promised. He knew himself too, after all. Sleep would probably evade him completely, his brain keeping him awake no matter what. ”Night, Fred.”

”Good night, darling.”

○-○-○

The next day, for the first time in his life when putting on his lingerie, Brian didn't feel any excitement or thrill while doing so. Instead what he felt this time was intense worry and dread and he didn't really think he looked nice at all when he observed himself in the mirror, no, instead all he saw was a weird, skinny freak who got off on wearing women's underwear.

And very soon Roger would see that, too.

Roger had called him a while ago from Freddie's place. He had sounded pretty calm but also kind of sad, and he had told Brian that he knew about his and Freddie's late night phone call and that he had been thinking and had been talking with Freddie and that he finally felt calm and level-headed enough to come and see him so they could have a proper talk. Brian had of course agreed, and before Roger had time to hang up, he had softly said ”I love you, Rog.” There'd been a short silence and then a quietly muttered: ”I know, I love you, too. Let's talk when I get there, ok.”

Despite his promise to Freddie on the phone, Brian had indeed barely managed to sleep at all during last night, instead just rolling around in his bed, thinking about Roger, thinking about the confession he would have to make the next day, thinking about how to do it and then despairing because he felt like there was no way to do it in a way that would make Roger a) believe him and b) not lose his mind. Finally, after hours of despairing, Brian had decided that the best course of action would be to show, not tell.

So here he was now, pulling up his stockings and then staring at his reflection, feeling worse than ever but knowing this had to be done. No changing his mind now. Roger would be here any minute now and maybe afterwards everything would be ruined and Roger would be disgusted by him and would never want to touch him or even be anywhere near him again, but at least that'd be better than him thinking Brian had cheated on him.

He heard a car pull up into his driveway and soon after the front door opening. He was losing his nerve. He wanted to hide. He kept staring at his reflection, hating it more and more every second, and he was shaking like a leaf and he felt like throwing up and all the while he could hear Roger's footsteps getting closer, he could hear Roger's voice calling for him...

He couldn't keep standing so he sat down on the bed, trying to stop his body from shaking, trying to control his breathing which was getting more superficial by the minute. His hands were clammy, his whole body was shaking, his mind was screaming at him to hide away, to hide his shame, but this was the only way, this was what he had to do, he could not hide, and then Roger was there. Roger was there, in the doorway, staring at him with what was confusion on his face and Brian still wanted to hide, hide, hide and his vision was blurring and he could feel tears running down his face and he wanted to scream because he was so pathetic. Now was not the time to cry, what was it with him and crying anyway? He'd never cried this much in his life in such a short time!

”Brian, what are doing? Are those... Are you... Are you wearing _lingerie?_ ”

”I am”, Brian whimpered, furiously wiping his eyes but it was no use because more tears just kept coming and he turned his face away, he couldn't look at Roger, couldn't see the confusion turning into disgust on his face, because surely that was exactly what was going to happen. He forced himself to continue speaking, to get it all out. ”The panties you found yesterday... they are mine. I dress up in lingerie when no one... when no-one sees and... and I'm disgusting and wrong and I am so sorry Rog, I truly am, but I've _never_ cheated on you, I wouldn't.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Brian kept wiping his eyes and sniffling and very purposefully not looking at Roger, instead he stared at his own stockinged feet, wishing for the ground to just open up and swallow him whole. Roger would leave. Roger would hate him, how could he not, he was a freak, he was not right -

Then Brian felt the bed dip under the other man's weight, he could feel Roger close to him, sitting so close their thighs were almost touching but not quite, and then... Then there was a gentle, warm hand touching his arm and Roger was speaking softly.

”Is this... this is really all yours? There really is no woman? It's just... yours? _You_ were the one who had been wearing those panties?”

Brian nodded, and kept nodding, squeezing his eyes shut, his head hanging low, and he managed to squeak out: ”All me, Rog. Just me. No woman. Never any woman, I wouldn't do that to you.”

”Oh, thank god!"

The huge relief in Roger's voice finally made Brian look up, to look at his lover, and the way Roger was smiling at him and looking back at him, like Brian had hung the moon and the stars, made the older man doubt everything he thought he knew. Here he was, sitting on his bed dressed in lingerie and Roger was looking at him with not a hint of disgust on his face whatsoever. Roger didn't hate him. He didn't think he was disgusting.

Still, he had to be absolutely sure.

”You don't hate me?” he asked weakly. The blond man's gaze softened. Roger reached out to gently wipe a remaining tear from the corner of Brian's eye and Brian let him. At this point, he would let Roger do anything to him.

”Of course I don't.” And then Roger was giving him this look, asking for silent permission, and Brian didn't resist, he let Roger pull him close, to embrace him, to hug him tight and before he knew it, he was hugging just as tightly back. It felt so good, so warm, so reassuring, Roger's calloused fingertips slowly and gently rubbing up and down his back, and Brian rested his face against the other man's neck, breathing in his familiar scent. He had feared he might never get to breathe in Roger's scent again. He had feared Roger might never even want to touch him again after learning the truth.

But here he was, in his lingerie, and Roger was hugging him tight, Roger was holding him as if he was something precious, and Brian felt so relieved he almost felt like crying again. Almost. He didn't, however. There had been enough crying to last for a while.

”Why didn't you tell me yesterday, Brian?” Roger spoke into his hair, still holding him and not letting him go. His tone was not accusing, just questioning. ”Why did you let me believe you had cheated instead of just saying something?” Brian sighed, closing his eyes, nuzzling his face against the blond's neck.

”Because I was afraid...” he muttered quietly. ”I wanted to tell you. You were so angry and so hurt but I was simply... too afraid and ashamed. I've been pretending for so long. I couldn't... I couldn't get a word out of my mouth to confess to you what a... _freak_ I was.”

Suddenly Roger was pulling away and Roger's hands were on his shoulders and Brian's heart almost leaped into his throat from sudden panic. Roger was pushing him away, the reality had finally set in and Roger had changed his mind, he was disgusted after all.

”Brian, dear, look at me.”

He did. There was no judgement on Roger's face. His big blue eyes were gentle and... sad?

”Rog...?” he questioned weakly.

”You are not a freak, Brian. I don't care if you sometimes want to wear women's clothes, god, why would I, you look absolutely gorgeous! I mean, I certainly wasn't expecting this, it came as a total surprise, but I am not disgusted, I am not angry at you for doing it, although I am a bit disappointed because you seriously seemed to think I would be.” At this, the blond raised his eyebrows at him and Brian felt silly, although he still couldn't quite believe what Roger was telling him was actually the truth.

”But it's not normal”, he muttered, ashamed. Roger huffed.

”Well, who cares about what's normal anyway?” he exclaimed. ”Have we ever? Brian, seriously, it's fine. You're not hurting anyone by doing it, anyway.” Brian shook his head.

”... I hurt you.” At this, Roger exhaled sharply.

”Well. Yes. But not on purpose. And I could've... reacted a bit better, I guess. A bit calmer. Me and my awful temper, right?” the blond let out an awkward little laugh. ”You didn't hurt me _because_ of what you do. You hurt me because you tried to keep it a secret, yeah? There's a difference.”

Brian nodded. He knew, of course, that Roger was right. It was his own secrecy that had lead to the terrible misunderstanding between them that had the potential to completely ruin their whole relationship.

”So that means no more secrets, alright. Not between us.”

”No more secrets, Rog. I swear.”

”Good.”

Roger smiled and Brian found himself answering that smile and finally, after the last agonising 24 hours or so, he felt like he could actually breathe freely. The world was not ending. His relationship with Roger was not ending. Roger knew about his shameful little secret and did not hate him for it, didn't think he was a freak because of it.

Brian still kind of thought of himself as a freak, he had spent years and years of doing just that and that didn't just go magically away after one conversation with your very loving and understanding boyfriend, but it was good and reassuring to know it was not how Roger saw him. To Roger there was nothing wrong with him, and that's what was important.

Eventually they ended up simply lying in bed together for a long time, just holding each other close while Roger gently asked him questions. He asked about how long had Brian been doing this (the answer was for years), how it had all started, this dressing up thing (weirdly enough, with the stage outfits him and Freddie used to wear all those years ago, the Zandra Rhodes ones that were originally designed for women), had he always had this... desire (yes, for as long as he could remember, since he was quite young), who else knew about this (”no one but you, Rog”). Brian answered everything truthfully, he had nothing to hide, not anymore. And Roger listened and never once judged, and just held him close.

And then, even with all the questions having finally found answers, they were just lying there, looking at each other, and neither of them really wanted to move. Not just yet. Not unless they had to. Roger gently caressed Brian's cheek and the older man sighed, closing his eyes. He loved Roger's hands on him, he loved Roger. He was so happy to be here with him now, with no more secrets between them, with no more pretense.

”I truly am sorry I ever suspected you of cheating, Bri”, Roger said softly. ”I mean, I did have my reason after what I found but... I could've handled it better. I didn't need to get so furious. I said things that were hurtful and I'm sorry.” Brian opened his eyes and smiled.

”It's alright. I am sorry too, for keeping secrets. It's done and over with now, no need for either of us to feel bad, right?” Roger answered his smile, a bit hesitantly at first, then more genuinely.

”Right.” They looked at each other for a while, and then Brian could see something in Roger's eyes shifting, changing. Before he could inquire about it, the blond spoke again. ”Bri, I would very much like to kiss you right now.”

Brian laughed. ”Then do. I'm not exactly putting up resistance, am I?”

In the next moment Roger's lips were pressed against his and when one kiss ended, another one began, and before long they were not simply kissing, they were making out like horny teenagers. Brian pulled away from the kiss, panting, to look at the other man in the eye and Roger's blue eyes were now almost all pupil, dark and wanting.

”God, Brian, you're so beautiful”, he gasped against his lips, stealing yet another kiss. ”I want you to ride me, Brian, can you please do that? I want you to ride me wearing that lingerie, want to see you, want to look at you being so beautiful, so lovely.” Brian felt himself blush, both from the praise and embarrasment.

”I'm not beautiful, Rog, not like you”, he told the blond. ”I do appreciate your words but I would ride you anyway, if you really wanted me to. You don't need to lie to get it.”

”Not lying, Brian, never would lie to you”, Roger said with a frown, before pulling him back in for another, this time quite filthy, kiss. ”I do think you're absolutely beautiful, and I will make you see it too.” Another kiss followed that, and then another, and another, and Brian thought, when he helped pull Roger's clothes off the best as he could while still all the while kissing passionately with him, if Roger really did think he was beautiful in his lingerie, who was he to try and argue with that? Maybe in time he would really come to see his own beauty too. In the meanwhile, however, he would just have to let Roger show him.

○-○-○

Afterwards, with their sweaty and flushed bodies tangled together on the bed, with Brian's head on Roger's chest, Roger's fingers carding gently through Brian's messy curls, Brian didn't think he'd ever felt quite like this before. He was sated and happy, happier than he remembered ever being. Roger was humming quietly beneath him so clearly the younger man must've been feeling quite the same way.

Brian looked down at his body, frowning slightly when he noticed the state of his stockings. Both of them had been ripped in several places, and underneath the ripped fabric he could already see the slight bruises that were currently starting to form, made by Roger's fingertips.

”Rog, I think we totally ruined my stockings...” he murmured, shifting a little, trying to fix his panties which were digging quite uncomfortably into his skin since they had never been properly removed. Immediately when he did that, however, he felt how warm cum was dripping down his thighs, messing the fabric as well while doing so. He giggled a bit. ”And quite possibly my panties too”, he added. ”At least they're very dirty now.” Roger let out a throaty laugh and planted a big, wet kiss on Brian's nose and then another on his cheek and then one more on his forehead, just because he could.

”Don't worry love. I'll buy you new ones. I'll buy you as many new ones as you could possibly want, and then more.”

Brian just smiled. He would take that as a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. It is done. For now.  
> I've been thinking of maybe, possibly, making this a series, but there is no guarantee yet. Depends entirely on whether or not I will find enough inspiration to continue Brian's crossdressing adventures. ;)
> 
> Thank you all for reading! ♥


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